Shit I might as well explain. Any day now I'm expecting to get an answer from social security if I get accepted or not for disability payments. Meaning, If I get turned down, My parents wont be chipping in for rent nor a service through the county and I will have absolutely no way of paying rent, and I will be homeless yet once again. =(
My health continues to get worse and worse and I can't work enough to pay the rent or sometimes I wonder if I can work at all! I've had to call an ambulance twice in 2 weeks because I have trouble breathing every night, but these particular days wer worse and I couldn't breath for about 2 hours each time grasping my chest and cant let go. How am I suppose to work when I cant even breath!? and every day if I cant breath, I'm in pain, or I have a combination of the two. The meds I'm on hardly feel like I'm taking anything (except in the morning my meds do help a little). At least one day a week I have to use a cane and/or wear a neck brace. I already have a handicap placard for my car and rightfully use it everyday as it is hard to most times get in and out of a vehicle. When I went to Walmart two weeks ago, I had to use the electric scooter to get around. It was very embaressing and sad. It was very akward passing an elderly couple in there 80's walking just fine and there I am in my late 20's with my cane in a cart of an electric scooter wearing a neck brace with my face showing i'm in agony.
Emotionally this is all very hard for me. Ever since My mom kicked me out I feel like my parents have just been paying me to stay away. meanwhile I'm being punished it seems when I spend there money on food when iIout of food stamp money. My own mother is sick of her handicapped son. My father-oblivious to my health. I have had to bounce a check in order to get my meds because he wouldn't let me borrow money. His exact words wer " never bounce a check!, I don't care HOW bad you need your meds". Which pretty much says to me, go fuck yourself and your health , I don't care for you.
Wow this is more like a journal entry. I better just shut up now. But let me tell you this first =) (who eve is reading this anyway) no matter how bad shit is, I always try to look on the bright side, and I NEVER loose my sense of humor. It's a shame that the really, REALLY bad things can happen to the most kind and innocent of people example (me*) I am positive that one day I will find my easy street. I have never doubted that one day I will live a life of luxury or possibly win the lottery and have millions of dollars. Total financial freedom. When that day comes, I can give everyone the finger, change my last name, and move on. (Actually I would resesitate my family, buy them cars and houses and make sure they are set and ok. THEN I can leave them. Never look back, except for maybe on the holidays or if my future children absolutely HAVE to see or want to see there grandparents and uncles.
Wish me luck! oh and one last thing. You know how you go to the grocery store and you see the salvation army donation buckets and you put money in them? well here is a donation button, put your money here instead PLEASE!! Out of fear that I will become homeless. If I don't become homeless and you donated, I can either pay you back, or keep the money and give a shout out in a video and put the money towards an action figure or toy to use in a stop motion or review, or both. Thank you to who ever reads this! (and especially if you donate) thank you and good night . Btw This is my entrance. Like it? =) Lighting will be better for an actual match. This is just a quick pic.
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